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I’m going to be honest, this is not my usual kind of post. The kind where I share antiques, beautiful table settings, and/or entertaining tips for a beautiful life.
This is a post about Mother’s Day, but a different kind. I’ll confess, I come from a long line of caring, giving mothers. My grandmother Aleida Verheuvel was a strong woman who raised 6 children in Europe during WWII. My grandmother had an incredible sense of style and wore a dress, heels and her jewelry every day. She taught me to always act like a lady, to create a warm and welcoming home, and to invite neighbors and friends over for tea. Most of all, I knew she loved me and was my #1 fan.
My Mom, Ann Schoonderbeek, moved to the US by herself with me, at age 8, to begin a new life. She was Brave. That is one thing I never realized about my Mom until I became much older. What single Mom in her right mind would leave a place where her family, friends and everything she knew was? A place where her family was amongst the “very well off” and well known and loved in their community? To move to a new country, and start a new life with an eight year old? Yet that’s what she did. She was strong, stubborn, and despite the fact that she was not the “Oh-honey-I love-you” kind of Mom, I knew she loved me with her whole heart.
This post isn’t about these inspiring, fabulous women I love so much, and miss dearly every day. This post is for the “other” mothers in all our communities. I know that for some of you, Mother’s Day hurts, and you can’t wait to cross it off the calendar for another year.
This post is for you. Mother’s Day can be rough, as in really, really tough, for you. This post is for you if you want to be happy on Mother’s Day. But instead, it brings up:
The mother who just couldn’t love you, no matter what you did.
The mother who is slipping away.
The mother you lost way too early.
The mother you had to cut out of your life, because she was toxic.
The mother who gave you up.
The mother you wish you could live up to.
The mother who lives close by, but you are not “close” to.
Or it brings up:
The baby you gave up for adoption, and have a hole in your heart for, every day.
The baby you wanted so badly, but never conceived.
The child you love so very much, but lost to mental illness, or addiction.
The child you feel you failed, big time.
The child who for some reason or another, has cut off communication with you.
I know that Mother’s Day is hard for many of you. Instead of cards, breakfast in bed and all things beautiful, you have sorrow. As a Mom, or a daughter. There aren’t any Hallmark cards that acknowledge those real feelings. But those situations and feelings are real, for many mothers and daughters. I want to encourage you to know that you are not alone. Somewhere, lots of somewhere’s, there is a woman just like you, who feels like you do. Or a woman who will love you, support you, and hold you up when you need it.
I pray you can connect with other women, who will stand by you, hold you, cry with you, pray for you and come along side you. If you didn’t have a loving mother, mother yourself. Tell yourself the things you wish she had, or allow other women in your life to love and value you.
If you lost a child, or was never able to have one, I hope that you can invest some of that heartache into loving children in your neighborhood, the children of your circle of friends, or volunteering for the good of children. There are millions of mother-less children in the world waiting for you to step into your mothering shoes and impact their lives. There are lots of good mothers with children they love dearly, who live in poverty, and need your help.
Take back Mother’s Day as a holiday you look forward to, by standing by mothers in your community, and giving them a hand up.
Even if none of these things are true of you, and you are in the trenches as a young Mom, with a bazillion things to do, care for, and handle, this post is for you. It seems that these days, there is so much pressure on Moms, with blogs and pinterest making you feel “not quite” perfect. Don’t compare yourself to the “online” picture of moms. They mostly present a snap shot of the best days. Not the days we all have, where you really, really just want to run away, or take a long bath, and drink a huge glass bottle of wine.
You are doing so much, cooking meals, paying bills, making ponytails, driving to and from, to and from, scrubbing pots and pans, buttoning shirts, making recital costumes, listening to small little voices whine, breaking up petty spats, praying, wiping runny noses, and the hundreds of other things Moms do just in one day. Thank you.
Thank you for doing all these things, with a smile, while still being a wife, a daughter, and a friend to countless other women. Thank you. Not just on Mother’s Day, but every day.
So what’s my real purpose of this post? It’s to encourage every single one of you. To thank you for giving of your life and time, and for loving your children. Thank you for searching for things to love about the little things in life that matter. Thank you for mentoring another mom, for hugging another mom when things are tough. Thank you for supporting other Moms, praying with and for other moms. All these roses are for you. Thank You.
Thank you for your kind words of encouragement and love, my wish is that you would know God’s peace.
That I do, Noreen. Thank you!
This is a truly touching message, sensitively delivered. Certainly Mother’s Day was difficult during the years when I longed for a child, though I was eventually lucky to have one. And this year is difficult because it’s the first without my mom, and it’s also her birthday. But the others you mention–of course I can think of someone for each that you tick off. I’m so glad you pulled back the curtain with such understanding.
I would add a rose for all the women who knew motherhood wasn’t their thing and who had the wisdom not to have kids despite pressure from family or friends to conform to certain societal norms.
Thank you, my friend, that is a perfect addition! I will be thinking of you this first Mother’s Day without your Mom. xo Lidy
What a WONDERFUL post! Thank you so much for that…
Beautiful words. Thank you Lidy
Thank you for leaving a comment, Phyllis. I hope that you have a beautiful Sunday.
Deeply touched. It brought tears to my eyes, as a couple of your points apply to me. I will go and find a way to help someone.
Mary, I hope that it will bring you some peace, and joy.
Thank you for posting such insight! I am blessed to have a loving mother, but the sting of having one of my adult sons cut off communication with me hurts on days honoring Mothers. I know this post will touch so many.
Ashley, never give up hope! Pray, and trust God that He will restore your family.
Thank you for your post. It encompasses so many different aspects of motherhood and simply being a woman whether there are children or not; whether circumstances have made one happy or sad, fulfilled or empty, Joyful and at peace with the world or left to still struggle with jobs left undone.
I agree, Cyndy. It does, I hope that you are surrounded by friends that encourage, inspire and love you!
Than you so much for this beautiful post!
You are so welcome, Tonya. Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment!
This was needed. Your words. It isn’t all Hallmark cards, as you mentioned. Beautifully written.
Brenda
Thank you, my friend.
Somebody needed this today. Me! Thank you, Lidy. God bless you always. Love Thea
Lidy my heart is so full it has spilled over from my eyes. A truly beautiful post. I lost my lovely mother to cancer when I was just 5 years old. Even 42 years later she is missed.
May this be a blessing to all those who need it.
Beautifully written and the wonderful encouragement in the end to be a mother to someone that doesn’t know that love.
I was blessed to have a wonderful mom. This gives me a new perspective that I hadn’t thought of, thank you!
Reading through tears… Thank you Lidy….
No, this really isn’t my favorite holiday…
And there is real heart pain of a “lost” daughter…
However, God has Blessed me so with many beautiful young women in my life who look up to me as their “Mom” or “Auntie”… Even special “Granddaughter’s”!!!
I am truly believing for healing and restoration…
I am Believing in God’s Promises!
And He Is Good!
Have a wonderful day Sunday Lidy!!!
You are one Special Woman of God!!!
Dear sweet Lidy, Thank you for this beautifully written letter to all women. You have touched us all with words from your heart. Love to you, Connie
Beautiful post and so eloquently said.
Oh Lidy, you touched every point there was to say. Lump in the throat, tears in the eyes, then a good burst of laughter at ” a large glass (strike-through) bottle of wine”…! As I grow older, the word “mother” grows larger and larger…. and I sometimes wish I could tell mine about the latest things I have learned about mothering, so she can be reassured that her struggles were not in vain
Such a beautiful post, Lidy. Mothering…no greater blessing or challenge, and so, so very important. Sending love to you this Mothers Day weekend.
Thank you so much for writing this! What you have said is beautiful, thoughtful, open, expansive, caring, and deeply loving.
Wow, the words are really beautiful… couldn’t be said any better! The roses are spectacular & soothing! Thank you for the inspiration, bringing a smile and sharing the awesome post for Mother’s Day!
What a beautiful heartfelt post. Thank you my friend.
Thanks for your understanding heart! I never was blessed with children of my own…but I have several nieces and nephews I love to spoil! I miss my mom everyday.. She has been gone only 4 years… But it feels like just yesterday. Thank you for the beautiful roses!
A beautifully written post that truly made many women out there thankful that someone has recognized them in one way or another. Mother’s Day can truly be heartbreaking and sad for many women…I am so blessed that I still have my mom with us and a wonderful son and granddaughter…but this is a sad day in part for my sister as she lost her beautiful son. Thank you for this post…as although Mother’s Day is truly a happy day to honor our mothers, it can be a very sad and heartbreaking day for others.
Lidy, I’m just now reading this! How beautiful. I love your heart and the way you share your soul with so so many. I am proud to be a woman, wife, mother, grandmother and friend along side you. Blessings to you this day as you bless us with your words and pictures of beauty……..your friend, Cate
I found your Mothers Day post today. It really touched my heart.